Friday 25 May 2018

Standing on your own two feet

I have flirted with a line of people pleasing and following my own dreams for most of my life. Last year was an incredibly difficult year in terms of business decisions, social decisions and career path decisions. In rough detail I would like to explain things that happened, perhaps it can save you a lot of pain in your own life.

I used to have this idea, as many people do, that contacts and people determine your altitude in life. This meant I needed to keep everyone happy, share everything with everyone and create meaningful relationships to possibly get "opportunities" handed down to me. The problem was, it worked, it led to most of my opportunities in life so far, especially in terms of my adventure. Until it all comes crashing down...
If it wasn't for my unfiltered time alone I would have never learnt how to enjoy myself, my thoughts and who I was. We have the power to be who we want to be. 

I was for the first time in my life shunned for the decisions I made for myself and not for others. When this happened it led to a whirlwind of backstabbing, gossiping and some disgraceful emails, messages and comments that I hope I will never come out for the sake of the people that sent them.

If you struggle with something like this I would suggest:

- Deleting all your social media platforms: 
Find out who your real friends are and who will stick with you when times are tough, it may take some months to eradicate the weeds from your life but eventually you will have a handful of good people in your life. Never forget how those people stood by you when times are tough, but also never let them manipulate you into doing things that aren't right for you just because they were there for you.

- Remove yourself: 
This would mean from social circles and the things you usually do. Are you doing these things for you or has it just become habit. You will find out sooner or later. Spend time with yourself. Read and explore your mind and hobbies again and try with everything in you to learn how to love yourself

- Learn how to say "no": 
If you were like me it was incredibly difficult to say no because I always thought this would come around to bite me and I would miss out on crucial opportunities. Newsflash, you are doing it for the wrong reasons anyway.

I used the best part of a year to retreat and concentrate on my book about Africa and cycling through it to break the Guinness World Record. It was something that I was incredibly proud of but last year had come to doubt myself and what I really was. The year of introspection lead me on a new path.

Remember that people don't rule you, never let people emotionally black male you or manipulate you to get what they want or to hold you back. When last did you say "Fuck off" to somebody who didn't fit into your life and had no right to voice an opinion over your life? Be careful of people who try get to close to you for ulterior reasons. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" is one of the most genius manners of controlling people.

I had a friend who had been dating his girlfriend for about 3 years. When he broke up with her his best friend and christian m
entor consoled him and gave him advise on how to move forward through his life. He had been with him from the beginning to the end. One day it came out that it was his best friend who had been sleeping with his girlfriend all along. I can't imagine that, but I find it even more fascinating how naive we as humans can be.

 It may be mean to think The truth is I was so scared to ever say that because of the way I was brought up. I used to think it was my morals that stopped me from saying that, but actually its the fear of what people might think of you, because we all know, we think that at some stage in our life. People need to earn their trust, as do you, so always be honest, even if that means having people turn against you or judge you for your decisions.

Have courage to make bold decisions, scary decision regardless of what anybody say or thinks about it. You have this one life and I truly believe it is a gift to create in it something meaningful that you would like to do.

Everyday I get the opportunity to point people in a good direction in terms of health and making a positive difference in their life. I see people losing 30 kilograms in two months, putting on muscle, doing hand stand walks and hand stand push ups and the biggest message I always try put through it that you can be the conductor to the positive change you want to make in your life and you have the freedom to chose that. Regardless of race to religion, you are not at the will of the waves of life, you have an opportunity to do something and make a difference.


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