Day 4 and 5: Gasping for Air, Altitude Sickness

Sitting at home on a brisk Highveld morning I thick back to these days on the mountain. How fear and panic had gripped me that night...how I couldn't breathe...I thought it was the end of my climb. It was one of the scariest places I had been in my life. 

Arriving at Mawenzi Hut 

Freezing Cold, tough night

And now again, looking back, it seems impossible that on this massive earth, you can find places where you feel completely and utterly on another planet. Our minds are truly our worst enemies. 

Day 4 was a lovely flat walk to Kikewela Camp at 3600m above sea level. Only rising, 150m vertically that day, my dad and I both knew this would be the last easy day. Like the Navy Seal quote, "the only easy day was yesterday," I felt quite distressed about the next day. 

At camp the temperature had dropped dramatically and we were well below zero most of the afternoon. There wasn't much place to do an altitude hike in the afternoon to acclimatize without exerting oneself to much over big boulders and our guides agreed that we would only hike up a couple meters to a nearby waterfall to take some pictures. "Its good to get your mind of the days, you need to try relax," clearly seeing me get a lot less talkative and reserved during our usual conversations. After our hike we went straight to the tent for dinner. 

My dad and I chatted, he seemed to be suffering from a headache. I knew he wasn't sleeping much, every morning he spoke about how little sleep he had so I assumed this headache may have been caused by the lack of sleep. However, I was still worried about him. Then things started happening to me...

When I was a child I suffered from Asthma. Having an attacking gasping for air feeling as if there is nothing entering your lungs is the most helpless I have felt in my life. Through careful monitoring, exercise and testing I seemed to get better as I got older. But on this day...my breathing was really shallow, I needed to concentrate all the time. I prayed I wasn't getting any type of Asthma Attack. I was terrified to sleep. To my surprise, the night went well, I woke up, not sleeping much, but getting enough rest to tackle our biggest day yet, a hike up to Mawenzi tarn hut at 4315m Above Sea Level. 

My dad had a headache all day, my breathing was shallow. The camp was in a crater it seemed. A huge hike up and over a rock ridge and down towards a small natural lake left us surrounded by huge rock faces. It was exquisitely beautiful but my "claustrophobic" self ran through all possible scenarios about what could go wrong. We hiked up one of the ridges after settling into camp and dropping our gear off in an attempt to get used to the altitude but my dad and I both seemed to be struggling. Some spectacular views of Kibo and Uhuru peak in the distance took my mind of things for the majority of the night and afternoon. 

Altitude Hike took us up to these views

That night the rain started, then the sleet and snow. The tent was leaking, it was freezing cold, and I felt trapped, but after reading some pages of my book decided to get some sleep. About to fall asleep, I tried to breathe...it felt like nothing in my lungs. "Oh shit, oh shit, relax...its not an attack.." I tried to convince myself. I breathed again, even more shallow, and then again more shallow. The rain, the fact that there was no medics up there and that I couldn't really get down the mountain that quickly played over and over in my head. At one point I thought I was going to stop breathing, and there was nowhere to go...Full panic set it. I jumped out of my sleeping bag, feeling the side of the tent..."I need air, I need air..." I said to my dad trying to stay as calm as possible. "You can't go anywhere, the rain!" he said still clearly wide awake. 

I felt emotions rising to the top of my lungs. I said over and over to myself, "relax, relax, calm down." I ripped open the tent and immediately the cold hit my lungs like a ton of bricks making it even scarier, realizing I really couldn't go anywhere. 

"Dad, talk to me, something, just talk..." He knew what I meant, I just needed to be distracted. 

He spoke, until, God spoke...

The whisper on my heart was so vivid..."Get out your book and pen. Write." 

I moved slowly still breathing very shallow. 

"Who made this place?" I felt God saying to me..."You Lord," 

"And who controls it?" I felt again..."You God." 

"...Why do you fear being out of control, can you trust me." I felt, humbled as If God had crumpled me up into a ball in his hands and was holding me tight. It felt as if God breathed into my lungs, I started to slow down my berthing as my mind was consumed by his truth. 

I started to cry. Gently tears rolled down my eyes on that mountain. A wave of revelation hit me as I stood on the shore of Gods heart. And it hit me wave after wave after wave. 

He was the creator not only of the mountain, but the earth and universe to and all the galaxies...and here I was thinking I was in control of my situation. Surrender. I needed to surrender. Like the many days in my life I had tried to be the king of the story, God needed back the crown! 

"I love you Keegan," my heart rested at the Savior's words. These were words I heard over and over on my Africa trip. 

"You will get to the top of this beautiful place. You will go many more places. You are not in control of this story, would you trust me." Just minuted before I was thinking abut getting off the mountain as soon as morning broke and now God was telling me in two days I would be even higher on the mountain and I would be fine. Who was I to object...he had literally saved me many times before. 

I wrote and wrote and wrote. I felt one with the mountain and the cold and snow as if it had to obey the creator and the creator had spoken. I felt as if I was in a trance...

"You okay...you okay," My dads words drowned into my consciousness and surfaced. 

"Yes dad, thank you...I think...I don't know what it was. Asthma, maybe panic, but...im okay now." 

He seemed so confused but thankful that I was okay. I tried to relax and as I lay back down in the dark my head on my pillow I felt so thankful to be alive. I was in awe of the power of God once again.