CrossFit and Faith

When I started CrossFit in the empty concrete shell we now call CrossFit Mammoth  I was astonished to discover that there were no mirrors on any of the walls, not even in the bathrooms. I saw no makeup, no ego's, and a community full of love! Months down the line, it all started to change and the sport I once fell in love with started to appear just like another egotistical money making movement.

I thought about this, and came to a couple of ideas. Of all the people I have spoken to, a crossFit box has either experienced a great hurt, is going to experience a great hurt (without intentionally seeking grace and healing) or is in the process of going through some hurt. Pain, hurt, call it what you want, we all know its real.

Myself and Francois competing this weekend

This weekend I had the privilege of attending a great competition at the Silver Star Casino hosted by CrossFit BST and what an event it was, however it didn't start all that well. The registration arrived and the competition looked lean and mean and like absolute machines. Immediately the comparison monster showed its head in my mind. I was looking left and right to see where I measured up, who I was better than and who I was lacking behind. My spirit dropped, my head dropped, my nerves increased and I felt a little unworthy. I had an opportunity to walk back to the car to fetch some things and just paused to pray. "God please fill me with you, may your mercy and grace just fill me, may it always be more than enough, may you over flow in me."

I sat and listened to some music and felt the whisper louder than any thought could imagine.
"You are my creation, made perfect, washed clean, so worthy, so brave, so strong, so amazing..."
The concert the night before, Bethal Music, had been a blessed experience and one song came into my mind and it went a little something like this, "Your love, never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me..."

Suddenly I felt that this place of comparison was a hospital for the broken, not a flexing of fitness for the strong. Event the best in the sport were struggling with divorce, unworthiness, lust, and many other things they didn't want to be wrestling with.
In Romans 7, Paul desperately seeks to understand his heart, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15 
He hates what he does, yet still does it. All of a sudden I felt in that position, I wanted to be at peace, enjoy the competition, be friendly and be a light to anybody seeking grace and forgiveness and healing yet I was falling into the trap of comparing myself. 

Perhaps your reading this, perhaps you sick of not being good enough! Perhaps you are tired of anger and comparison and a life that seems to hard to bear...I have a small testimony I would love for you to read. 

"You're not shrugging," I heard a voice after my snatch in the warm up arena.
It was minutes before my second workout with my team on day two. A snatch ladder consisting of a one rep max snatch. 
I had two options, embarrassment, that my technique was lacking, or humility to put "Keegan" a side and try learn. 
I dropped the bar and walked over to a large guy sitting in the corner stretching for his own workout. I hunched forward trying to speak to him over the speakers pumping music for the heat that was in the arena.
"Say again," I tried to look serious but was so happy to be able to learn a new thing
"You need to extend your arms and shrug and then pull, don't start pulling to early, finish your pull." 
It made perfect sense. I thanked him and asked if he would watch me again. I focussed and tried again focusing this time, letting the weight fly above my head before punching it into a lock position as I dropped into a squat position. Full rep, comfortable, happy! 
I walked over again and we started chatting about my snatches first, then about my shirt "CrossFit Mammoth" and then about his own box he used to own. I fed off every word trying to take tips and advise in running a business and where to find resources and was just so grateful for him. 

Rewind to a moment: Take offense and ignore advise vs take yourself less seriously, learn a thing or two. What an honor! 

I stepped out into the arena and competed hard and at the end landing a rep 5kgs lower than my personal best I had only snatched 3 times in my life. I walked out sweating, shoulders on fire but content. Fortunately I managed to get round to the next heat to watch my new friend attempting his last snatch at 110kg! Just before he stepped to the bar, he raised both his fingers in acknowledgment to the heavens then executed the perfect snatch. I had goosebumps! 
Here was a man learning to Give God the glory for everything. 
Afterwards I spoke to him about it and he confirmed his faith and stance on Jesus. 
"Praise Jesus for you man!" I was literally fighting back tears, his life, attitude and passion was the fruit of his faith and it was making a difference in the world. 

I then read a piece again I had written the night before at the Bethal Music praise and worship evening about myself and how God revealed to me, what this life is really about: 

"Yes Lord?"
"Get on your knees, feel the earth underneath you,"
He sunk in awe as the magnificence of his God hovered and twisted and danced and dived in the everything, in the presence and in the nothingness between...the spirit was moving.
"pick up the dirt..." he heard the whisper louder than the voices, gentler than the breeze.

The earth slid between his fingers still wet from his tears. He rubbed it feeling it, there was a part of it he felt one with.
"a day will come, you will return to this dirt, as significant as the delicate cycle that started it, dead, yet so alive..."
His hands trembled dropping the remaining grains of earth onto his lap.
In a moment it was real, he knew life and all he knew about it would pass away, become nothing and one thing would remain...Jesus, the Father, the Holy Spirit, the uncreated one. He knew that every trick in these times would be used to distract him and his friends from that thought and draw them to things that would in centuries have no value. He knew in that moment, only the eternal story would be told.

One thing remains...one thing...his Love.

Some day, we die, our bodies return to the earth, we will be but empty shells. it is remarkable how people think that flesh that grows, hearts that beat and minds that think make us different to an animal or for that sake a plant...all creation big or small gives glory to God, every process every life cycle bows to a creator! One thing is different we have a soul, we have free will, a choice to glorify God through our existence...that choice makes us the crown of creation. The fearfully, knit together creatures in our mothers womb, and as God brought us into this world he loved us and the ball was in our court...what would we do with this gift of life. 

We can write everlasting stories on the pages of our life, ones that can only be read through the fruit of our lives. Jesus gives us life and we get to carry it, it is light, its by no means heavy...if it is, perhaps you are carrying things that you weren't meant to. 

Lets stop looking oft and right for affirmation and acceptance but rather to God, let us rather look left and right to reflect his life, like my friend Andre, whose testimony of who he was, was shown in one moment in time, the smallest of gestures, raising his fingers to the sky to say "Jesus its only you, for your glory!" 

I want to finish with this quote: "That mountain that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb" 

Lets leave those burdens at the cross once and for all 

My friend Andre snatching 110kg perfectly! 

Your spine is out of place

Im not a builder but I understand the importance of a correctly built foundation. Scratch that...I understand the importance of a correctly built foundation for the goals your house/building needs to meet.
If you want a half story, broken down, walls crumbling house, any foundation will do. If you want  a skyscraper, a deep solid, well designed structure is a must. its funny though, the most important part of the building is not seen, just as the most important part of out bodies (The spine or backbone) is not seen, just as the most important part of our spiritual life is also not seen.

I like to consider myself a healthy guy not because of the way I look or appear today but rather because of the years and months of hard work I have put in. I read a quote one day that said "the amount of time it takes you to get out of shape, is the amount of time it will take you to get into shape." It was the most heart wrenching quote to a young athlete who had lost 20 kilograms in two month but had layers and layers of skin covering my belly. I just couldn't get rid of it! The truth was that there was no shortcuts. For years and years I had conditioned my body to eat what it liked and be generally unhealthy. I now needed years to fix that period. Its safe to say, I have put in many many years. Years that people will never ever see.

Now the fruits of the labour, thats different. That can be seen. A great pair of legs and arms and strong core, these can all be seen and the world has found a way to package and market this look to make it look easy in a sense. Hard work has been made to look bad, its the enemy, path of least resistance, make a quick buck, get a 6 pack in a week or two, thats the goal. But what if this is the path to a deep feeling of unfulfillment. The definition of unfulfillment goes a little something like this: lack of execution.

Our faith has been packaged in the same way. A quick fix, a quick read a quick verse...life solved, life healed. I believe that there is nothing we can do to fall in and out of grace, nothing separates us from that Love God shows us. Jesus did the work, there was nothing quick and easy about his life. It was 30 years of a foundation based in God, and based in himself. Only after 30 intentional years was he ready for the world to see the fruits. We need to change our minds regarding everything.

One quick last story, and my main story I would say. My friends and gym partners always speak about this craze of going to a chiropractor. To be dead honest I had no interest at all. As I say, I have put in the years of hard work and feel I am the most flexible I have ever been, the strongest and the healthiest. There was nothing wrong with me...except one thing. I have a niggle in my left glute/buttocks after a heavy squat set, snatch set or clean and jerk. The next day it is really tight and I could never figure it out. But I have "learnt to live with the pain"

lets remember this "learn to live with the pain" keep this in mind as we press on. I have suppressed it, learnt to live with that discomfort and written it off as a norm in my health and fitness walk. Yesterday I decided I would visit this mysterious Chiropractor, for reasons I have no idea, i just felt I needed to go. So off I went not knowing if this was the guy you used cups to suck on your muscles, a person who stabbed needles in to you or a person who walked up and down your spine while burning incense. Thankfully it was non of these.

I explained my niggle to the doctor and told him why I was there and told him that I thought I didn't really need to be there but just wanted to try it our for my members at the CrossFit so I could advise if they ever needed to go see him.
"Ok Keegan, lets do a little check...."
He twisted me into some stretches and I felt my glute really being tested in certain positions and then he straightened my legs after the routine and to my horror said...
"So your left leg is about 2cm shorter than your right leg because of an irregular hip rotation. Your hips are out of alignment with your spine and its causing a problem in your mobility in your hips..."

Slowly it started to dawn on me all the exercises I was struggling with but was putting through regardless of the pain. Then we got into the business side of things. He pulled and pushed at me till every bone in my spine and his were manipulated back into alignment! I walked out of there feeling taller, no jokes. I felt weird man, super weird! But I felt good!

Later that day I did a maximum 1 rep max squat at 170kg...easily, got the video to prove it on my instagram! As I lay in bed last night, Jesus whispered into my heart.

"People have learnt to live with a pain they don't need. They are living around something, ignoring the pain and not functioning at their best, not living the abundant life. Their spirits are not in alignment with mine, their hearts are not in alignment with mine, their minds are not in alignment with mine."

I got goosebumps. I lay their, looking at my ceiling and just cried out to God and realized the following and I believe the message and principle has the power to change your life forever, if you let it!

If the fruit of your life is undesirable to you, even despised by you. Perhaps there is a niggle in your life that you need to get in alignment with Jesus. Jesus can show you what that is, he can pull and push you and gently get you back into place! If we can't love people, perhaps its because we can't love ourselves. If we can't forgive, perhaps its because we can't forgive ourselves. If we can't get over our pasts, perhaps its because we don't fully grasp the wonderful work, the full work, the completed work of Jesus on that cross.

We are a completed work! You cannot be more or less complete. The three things we can learn to live by that can transform our lives are simple:
- Intentional living (why do you respond like that? why do you react like that? why do you always do the things you don't want to do...ask God to reveal the "niggle" in your life, its usually as simple as a painful memory.)
- Stop living around your niggle- Face it head on and ask God to put you back in alignment to see his thoughts and his will for you and your life. Often when we see through our minds, pride can cloud and push Jesus out of the picture. Let him back in, practice stopping in a moment, recapping and skiing God what he sees.
- Patience -  Stop crucifying yourself! Jesus has completed that work. Be kind and gentle to yourself, show yourself the same love Jesus shows you daily. You are forgiven, by his works you are free from every chain. Start believing that. Be patient with yourself...commit to learn, this is long term, not a quick fix.

Can you commit to building that foundation in Christ, regardless of your past (that is wiped clean by the way) to commit to being the person your soul truly desires you to be. It will take some lying on Jesus's Chiropractor bed, it will take some awkward moments and movements and it will for sure involve some pain, but the long term effects will change your life forever!

"When your endurance is fully developed you will be strong in character and ready for anything." James 1:4

God the restorer

I took over a business that had seen its shares of ups and down over the past year. Stepping into the unknown. Myself and the other director received a word from God: "I will raise you up, I will deliver this into your hands, there will be challenges and I will fight for you, I will restore everything taken from you, and more."

Looking back on that promise this month has been quite difficult. But in the end, I have been brought to my knees again.

Many of you know I have become part owner and Director at CrossFit Mammoth , it has been a roller coaster ride in which God has taken the business to new levels. Both in a business sense and in terms of members results, God has blessed us immensely.

"Please note that there are two urgent payments to be made for the year 2015 and 2016..." the amounts totaled in the thousands of rands. A bit of "entitlement" welled up inside of me, as I brought the issue before God. "Lord this is not my responsibility, I didn't mess this up..."
The previous management had missed two important payments that could lead to a couple of legal issues for whichever reasons. Then another email "I have sent a mail canceling my membership 3 months ago, we would like the money back,"
Again this sense of anger, adopting issues I hadn't been aware of. Again this payment led into the thousands.

With two big payments due I realized that sometimes in life, we need to take ownership. Own the dream, own every part of it, even the bad...and if you don't, you will never own the blessing. In Faith I made the two payments and remembered the promise..."I will restore."

Its funny when we let go, and peacefully walk faithfully, you move out of Gods way to work.

Last night a member I haven't seen in months came into the box. I was so excited to see him and to have him back training and after the session we got speaking.
"Who runs the invoices...." He Asked, I cringed because this is something I had taken over as well, with all its many months of "mess" it had run into. Solving the accounts was near impossible and tens of thousands of rands needed to be written off. Own it all....I thought in my mind. I smiled.
"Thats me," I said
"I got an invoice saying I am behind three months, I think its wrong because I paid ahead 6 months, thats ended and now I have paid another 6 months."
It was true, the account was reflecting his payment. I sorted the issue with him without him knowing how much that 6 month in advance payment had assisted us in the month. Then another 3 new members joined and paid there fees to recover the exact amount we had lost in the month. and then...Another new member joined and paid and Gods promise over us was fulfilled..."I will restore everything taken from you and more..."

I got home last night emotional realizing the blessing and promise.

I want to encourage you today. God is so faithful to his word, if you will trust him in faith and not try figure everything out, he will fight for you while you sleep. He is opening doors you couldn't even imagine. Try trusting him today with the promise you have received. Take heart in the small victories and give him the glory for your success.

We are only stewards with entrusted Kingdoms on this earth, always remember that, he owns it all.

The goodbye thats forever, the one you never recognize

Its been a month like no other when it comes to death. I have never seen so many people that I know pass away, and sitting here all sorts of questions flood my mind: why them? why God? why, why why?

The truth is we will never ever know but the good news is we don't need to. When I was 5 years old a friend of mine in nursery school passed away after suffering from leukemia, I don't remember much of it and doubt I was told the truth at that age but I do remember him losing his hair, getting really pale and skinny, and then one day, never coming back to school. When I was six years old I was sitting in my bedroom, playing with my toy trucks, crashing them into each other when suddenly I realized that a crash that bad, somebody must have died inside my "toy trucks". I suppose I had seen death in movies but not yet real life, except for my nursery school friend who never came back. I suddenly had this wave of anxiety in realizing one day, i would never come back. I ran around the house crying looking for my mom wanting to tell her the sad news that had just rocked my world. "Mom, one day Im going to die and never come back..."

Quite depressing words from a child so young but I will never forget that die. I think death is this. A goodbye, expected or unexpected where you will never get another chance to say another word. Its frightening, because we know this, yet we live on borrowed time as if we own it and control it, thinking we have so much of it. We put things off, we put people off, we walk away, we say things we don't want to and forget to say the things we need to until its all over and we are left with this sinking feeling of regret.

I was supposed to chat to Dylan about a photo album book he was doing up on his trip and meet up with him sometime to chat about the charity he so badly wanted to start. I should have recognized the deep longing for more in his eyes, I should have seen his sadness, I should have seen more...but I didn't, and now he's dead and those "plans" died with him. Suicide at an age younger than me, shook my whole world. I couldn't believe it, I still can't.

I was supposed to fly down to Cape Town and attended a leadership sports ministry training with my friend Hein who headed up the organization. I was supposed to meet him after my Euro cycle expedition. He was my great mentor and friend somebody who always counseled me and held me accountable and gave me such good advise. It was a tradition to meet up with him after every trip. I was supposed to go, but I was to busy, and now he's dead. A heart attack while out jogging in Stellenbosch.

I was supposed to show more love and kindness to my own family member and uncle in a sticky situation. A slippery slope of drugs he had walked down had its claws sunk deep into his body and mind. I was supposed to be unconditional with my love, I was supposed to help...I had to do something...I didn't know what, but I didn't, I was to busy and now he's dead. Organ failure from a final drug overdose.

I was to busy...I....I...I...
I have always had a need to serve and help people its brought me, my greatest purpose in life, I enjoy it and I am good at it. Sometimes we turn our back on everything real in order to chase something that seems like it should be done in the eyes of the world, in the eyes of everyone. The problem is with these "things" is that they can all be justified, they don't look bad, in fact they are good and noble. Do more work, make more money, spend more time, more more more...can often be hidden behind some pretty fake motives like: "I need to provide more for my family" "People are relying on me" "its my work" and hundreds more.

I say its cowardice! Its the avoiding of real life matters of the heart and its hiding behind a true motive with a lying heart. We are scared...and in the past couple of weeks I have realized that I need to wake up and look around at the people close to me. Their time will end one day, maybe soon, maybe after yours but it will end and you will have an unfinished story with them, one you will always crave. This "business" happened when I stepped out of Gods strength and timing into my own strength. It happened when I stopped wanting to please God and tried to please others...

It happens so quickly and today I only want to encourage all of you to seek first the things of God, his promises are eternal and when we stop trying to figure life out and every second of the day we can step into that rest he has to offer, we can labour fruitfully with no stress and pressure, we can be lead by the holy spirit in every action of every day. That abundant life is so real, but the distractions and "ought to's" and "people pleasing" can become real.

On a more positive note I have been meditating on the way forward and I felt God really emphasizing forgiveness not him to us, but us of us. When I get to a point like this I know I need to and maybe you need to as well, start with this:

1) Forgive Myself: I am not God, the world doesn't depend on me, I am part of a beautiful story and no matter how badly I do or how well I do, I can not mess up Gods plan for the world. Take the pressure off yourself, strip those layers of burden and hand them back to God. I heard a quote "Those mountain that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb." I think this beautifully illustrates our purpose here on earth. Walk with God let him be your comfort, your strength your guide.

2) Instead of more, decide on less: do less, less business more effectiveness. Less talking more listening. Just do less, cut back some tasks sue that time for you and use that time for people you love.

3) Pray: Pray daily, let no worry or burden get to large that it pulls you out of Gods rest and into an uncontrolled battle field you have no control over

4) Be patient: with yourself and with your walk. it doesn't happen overnight but if you will commit to starting the journey of patience with yourself, it will change your life.

5) Start with loving you: Often when I find myself irritable and unloving towards others I find that its started with me. I disappointed myself again and Im hard on myself. I stop recognizing the unconditional love God has for me and start to make the love for myself very conditional. By learning of Gods unconditional love and grace and forgiveness for us, how can we decide what we are or who we are, outside of that. We were created out of that love, we walked away in the Garden with Adam and Eve, we tried to do it our way, we needed strict laws and still we failed and that same love came down and died on a cross and showed a new way for us to live! Accept that work on the cross fully, lift your eyes and see truth, not your thoughts and feeling, but complete truth.

Theres somebody you know in your life that will possibly die in the next year or so...make sure you have no regrets, say the things you need to say and love them everyday!

I just want to say goodbye to my friend Hein, I love you and you will remain a massive influence in my life! I can't believe you are gone. You leave a beautiful family behind! I pray that God may keep them safe and protected and blessed always! To Elzette and your amazing boys, don't ever hesitate to make your needs know to us, you are in our prayers, may you be comforted. You can rest in the knowledge that Hein was one of the most incredible servants of God, his life's blessings will continue to fall upon you.

Morocco to Norway: a tale in pictures

The plan was simple, to cycle 10 000km across Europe, from Morocco, Casablanca to Norway. I guess the full plan was to reach NoordKap in Norway but financially I just couldn't reach it...But what an incredible journey! Heres my favorite pictures from Each country and a little summary of each. I hope you enjoy it!

And off I went from Johannesburg International Airport. I caught two flights, one took me to Cairo where I had a stop over and met an amazing young South African on his way to Germany from Cape Town. A month after I got home, I realized that my new friend Dylan, had tragically passed away, taking his own life...the news shocked me. The second flight took me from Cairo to the beautiful city of Casablanca. 

I met some incredible people in Morocco, here I am with a group of students and young men. We sang songs, played guitar and ate a traditional dish served with fresh bread. These guys had so little to share, but their love and hospitality was heart warming. I met them that day, travelled around town with them, slept over at their house and left the next day...they will remain friends for life and we are still in contact. 

I soon realized that the scenery in Morocco was nothing like I had ever seen in Africa. It is a beautifully diverse country with a strong European influence. Its clean, everything works well and the people are super kind, except for one group of teenagers who tried to rob me. After a short fist fight I managed to get away, all in a days adventure. 

When I saw these camels on a beach close to Tangier, I knew I couldnt waste the opportunity to get closer. I parked my bike in a nearby bush and ran down to the beach. I found an old bearded shepherd there who happened to speak English. I chatted to him and he offered me a ride on one of them. Riding a camel on the beach in Morocco, what an incredible thing to experience! 

Hola Amigo! After a week or so I had ridden all the way to Tangier, hopped on a Ferry and left Africa to enter Spain. The beaches were simply wonderful, the sunsets golden and the people exotic and romantically dedicated to their lives. Sleep, great food and family were things valued very highly in Spain. 

Cycling along the Camino Santiago in certain areas was a profoundly beautiful spiritual journey. To think that pilgrims have walked these ancient routes for thousands of years is thought provoking. 

Although it was beautiful, it was cold! Here on top of a mountain, snowing and well below zero. I took my gloves and balaclava off for the photo. 

Posing at a beautiful cathedral next to the brass statue on the Camino Santiago the pilgrims way. I really think Spain was built on Cobble Stones! The architecture blew my mind. 

And then I got to France! The prices went up, so from the border I decided a tent would be the way to go! Which was difficult because of the cold! France was everything I imagined and more. Great foods, great coffee, beautiful towns, concertina's playing in the streets...it was simply amazing. 

I took a train from Paris to Switzerland Zurich for a well deserved break. It was the greatest decision I made. I met the Gahwiller family who impacted my life greatly! Their love for each other, service to family and kindness literally transformed my view on the world and to this day their example inspired me! I found a new family in Switzerland. 

Back on the road after a week off. Camping and cooking in Belguim 

Castles and cobbles in Belguim 

Watching the Giro d Italia in Appeldoorn Netherlands!

Camping along a river in Amsterdam

Thinking about life in the forests of Germany

Denmark and Scandanavia were the most green and lush countries I have ever travelled to.

Setting up camp close to the sea outside Copenhagen. 

Eating lunch along a quiet road in Sweden

Camping in Norway! Free and beautiful

Messing around at a CrossFit in Oslo

An emotional journey done! The time had come to return home. Overlooking the lake in front of the place I stayed in Norway. 

CrossFit changed my life

Recently I have had the opportunity to take over and become the part owner of a crossFit box. I guess this explains all my posts and training and comments on Facebook, and quite honestly, nobody that has been part of the community will ever understand, CrossFit has changed my life!

Competing at my first online competition (back in the black shirt)

Last year this time (I know because Facebook memories told me so) I was going through a tough tough time. I won't get into details but it seemed that a lot on which I had built my life on was falling apart. Its funny that in these moments, they physical things that are taken from you mean nothing compared to the spiritual and mental things. You feel so empty. I was in a dark dark place, a place I thought I had to pretend didn't exist, but it was so real, it was there when I went to ben, there when I went to sleep. My once "safe place" for community and love had become a place of hurt an deception, this isolated me even more. Rewind though some months...

One single meeting would have a ever lasting impact on my life. I met with Henri the Marketing manager of the mall and Francois early one morning to discuss an "Operation Smile" fundraising event. I had been on missions with the organization and raised a lot of money for them through my solo adventurers and my most recent expedition on bicycle from Cairo to Cape Town. The idea was to have a burpee marathon and get donors to give money to the charity depending on the amount of completed burpees.
The Mall would be the venue.
one question...at the end of the meeting,"So what do you do?"
"I run the CrossFit Mammoth, you should come check it out,"

I couldn't forget the words of the young passionate man talking about crossFit, I drove to Pretoria later that day and on the way back I organized to pop in at the CrossFit Mammoth. When I arrived, there was some as we would say now, "clanging and banging" going on, loud music, people laughing, smiling and lifting weights, sweating, lying on the floor and just having a great workout. I was hooked, I wanted in. The next day I checked in for my first workout...

And then two month in, everything seemed to fall apart, literally in the space of a week I had to walk into the box a different broken man. I couldn't hide it. There was something though that kept me coming back. Perhaps it was that there were no mirrors so I couldn't see the reflection of my broken self, or perhaps it was the sound of heavy breathing, of weights hitting the floor of music blaring that helped me ignored everything I was going through.

Back in training after a adventure trip in Europe 

But it wasn't any of those but at the same time was all of those, just mixed with human interaction, care and people just loving being amongst each other training. For a long time I would do three sessions in a row, work so hard that I could hardly move the next day. I cried in that box, laughed, had silly chats and deep conversations about everything I was going through. Not once was I judged, not once was I laughed at, not once was I not good enough. I learnt a lot in that year about patience and love.

Fast forward a year and the box is still going strong after challenges that would have sank the titanic. Sometimes I would sit and watch everything happen and get depressed, this was my home, a place that offered me hope in a time where I had none. So I committed to stay...instead of abandoning the people who were now as broken as me, crying out for help. I stayed and I learnt to look past things and instead forgive and love and never judge. I prayed everyday in the box, over the place and the equipment that it would be a place of hope once again. I spent many nights there with Francois and envisioned such big things for peoples lives to be changed the way mine was.

Yet still I was never really involved until a month ago where I was approached to become a director and co - owner of the box. At first I was confused and then I remembered every prayer uttered...
I was overwhelmed an absolute dream come true for me! And here I am in the community that changed my life, committing to change others lives and give back.

Before I started I used to think crossFit was senseless. A place to throw weights around and push yourself to unhealthy limits, but now I know better. From the moment you walk in the door you are stripping off your CEO, teacher, accountant, secretary, manager, miner...or any other title. You simply leave it at the door. You walk in for the person standing next to you, to be their spot and encouragement, and they walk in for you. You step into the "team" when you walk in the door. Into a community that loves you and is there for you no matter what. We are there to help with your first sit up, jump rope. row for time, muscle up pull up, squat, personal best...but then we are there for your worst, your failures, your stiffness, your aches and pains. Its more than a training gym or program it is a community of health and fitness.

Our Christmass WOD 

And if that doesn't change your life, the physical results will! I have been the fittest, with the lowest fat percentage of my life in my life. On top of that I have lifted the heaviest weights I have ever attempted! To look in the mirror when you get home and say "I am Keegan Longueira, I trained my hardest today, I gave my all at life, I ate well and tonight I go to bed, regardless of any situation, ready for a new day, to give my all, all over again...for me, that is one of the best feelings in the world.

I wish I could share the details of brokenness with you all, but it just doesn't seem right, it would make the story a whole lot better but perhaps one day you will understand why crossFit has changed my life!

Heart Break and getting back

We all been through it, a relationship you know you shouldn't have been in that ends worse than you could have ever imagined. From divorce to a long term relationship break up, the scars and open wounds left will be permanent if we never look to heal them.
My biggest blessing and curse is being able to use a lot of words to describe things and really paint a picture for people. However, sometimes you need to tell a huge story in only a few words, so Im going to give it a try.

I believe a break up hurts for two reasons, 1) we crave to be accepted and rejection kills us, and the second 2) we long to give the love we have to someone and when there is nobody else left to share it with, we are left with a deep sense of loneliness.

1) To deal with the first issue is crucial:
We can to be rejected if it is only "love" we have given someone. Love is a free gift, it asks no favors and demands nothing back it gives unconditionally. You are fooling yourself if you think it is love that caused your rejection or lack of it in return. It is an ugly side effect of twisted love in a twised world that cause our hearts to break and usually those things are safety, dependancy, need, greed...the list can go on forever.
A perfect love is the love that formed us in the womb when God created us in the wound, it had no expectation to be loved back. If God expected us to love him back the way he loved us, we would never live up to those expectations. If a God is so big that we can't even grasp his magnitude or form, then how can we even begin to grasp his love, the tiniest piece we do understand leaves us flat on our backs hands raised. So then why do we think we can fully understand love in relationships. The human mind is fascinating we need to have an end point in our mind and draw a conclusion before we can accept an outcome. Whether right or wrong, we seek these illusive and false "conclusions" some of these may include, "he left me because he doesn't love me," or "He cheated on me because she is better," all of these scrape a pin over a glacier compared to what we should really be seeing.
We cannot even begin to fully understand the reason we do things, when we move into relationship we are now trying to figure out two peoples lives and motives, it is simply impossible. But if we stop trying to understand and start trying to "be" we move back under Gods wings of protection.
You are alive, your heart beats, your blood flows which means you are created. Love is that, an opportunity to "be" in an infinite timeline in the works of God. Satan's biggest lie is to magnify your issues to a point where you think its life and every day depends on it. Life is so much more bigger and when you have an opportunity to share in others lives, serve them, love them, appreciate them and build them up, there is no greater gift for both you and them. And that...requires no appreciation in return because very often the feeling the other person feels in their heart towards you is something that can't be explained.

What rejection can you fear if you are loved by God and your identity is dependent only on what Jesus do on the cross? Then you realize that love for you is not conditional and so then your love you give to others is also not conditional, nor can you take it back, nor can it be demanding.
When someone breaks your heart, what if I told you, your love for them doesn't stop. If you loved them for who they are how can what they did destroy that love? I agree that love changes, perhaps you go from lovers to a mild for of care and maybe appreciation but love in itself cannot be taken back, you can't un love. When we say we have stopped loving and taken love back we sort of admit that we have a limited amount of it and we need to be careful where we invest it, what if I told you the supply is unlimited and you don't own it! If you walk around with the idea that you took your love back, the only thing you really take back is broken dreams and promises, you take back pain and bondage and chains. If you can learn to release that love you give freely, never demanding it back, it sets you free.

So you have been through a break up and you feel unloved. Don't jump back into the next one, you have forgotten your identity in Christ I suspect, be patient, don't go chasing love, instead get rooted in theta love Christ has for us. Learn who you are, what you love. Watch a movie, go on a hike, write a poem, go explore, spend some money, save some money, give some away freely, break the cycles or habit and try to spend some time with yourself. Be kind to yourself, love yourself. Chances are you have a lot of regrets and mistakes you could have avoided, so does every other person on earth, but its gone. You cannot learn from your past, if you don't decide to unlearn everything that lead you there.
2) I used to love freely and as soon as someone loved me back I felt I was unworthy of it. I felt I had no right to it. The problem with people like that is perhaps you may have a "people pleaser" problem. You want everyone to like you but inside you feel it is only a show, and when someone really invests in you unconditionally you step away, thinking you are unworthy. A close friend of mine always speak about the "Orphan Mentality" it is a feeling of being unworthy of anything. Of love, of blessing, of gifts of anything. You need to ask why you feel like that and that could go back to a lack of acceptance you may have experienced as a child to a mom and dad or to an older person who cared for you. You may have done anything you could to just be seen and appreciated and felt like if you didn't live up to that expectation maybe they wouldn't cherish you.

How were you treated when you were sick in bed a child? committing perhaps? a fever? who cared for you, who showed you compassion, and did they. Did they believe you were really sick, could it be that they may have thought you were faking? How did you feel? I think that we give out what we so crave and when what we crave comes back to us, we don't know how to deal with it. We need to break that cycle of orphan mentality by learning again your identity in Christ. You are loved endlessly, you deserve every blessing from God and you deserve to be cherished as a child. God is not wrathful or a God of punishment and the sooner we come to know who we are as children deeply rooted in his love, the sooner we can begin to accept blessings on earth, random acts of kindness and many more.

Your friend offers to pay the bill at a restaurant? Do you accept the blessing?...or do you try steal it away from them. A wise mentor and friend always said to me, "Keegan, don't steal my blessing," when he wanted to bless me for no reason.

Start accepting love in all its forms. And it is the most simple thing to know what it is:


1 Corinthians 13:4-7 4 " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 


I love you all, may you have a blessed week.Write to me and tell me your story, share your testimony. 
You can follow my Facebook page here: Keegan Longueira

Greetings from another world

Shucks! Its all become about instagram, Facebook and twitter these days that the old fashion blog is going out of fashion? Truth is I like this way of blogging way more.
You can't see who reads it and who likes it and who is offended by it, you simply give it all, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! I leave for Morocco in a couple of days and am looking forward to doing a lot of soul searching, thinking and writing...I have really missed it. Even thinking of going missing for a couple of days to get away from technology and all that.

I am not the most clever when it comes to website building and that but I don't like the fact that I don't have much control over my website Don't get me wrong, it is my fault, I should educate myself I suppose. But lets keep this one going for the Europe trip!

I will post memories from here, think it will be fun and easy to follow. See it as a little personal "share all" room out of the public eye.

You might read this you might not but I was thinking the other day, if we had no audience, would we still share all we share? Well my answer is simple, Abso - bloody - lutely...I love writing about my trips! I hope you guys enjoy this one coming up, its going to be a cracker.

Kunjani Keegs