Raise others up

Reached out to somebody the other day when it came to training to offer some assistance. They are a pretty good athlete and a leader in the fitness industry. I admit, the assistance wasn't asked for at all, was really just putting in some input. The person was so incredibly rude justifying how great and how right they were when it came to their training.

Sat there and was quite upset at first because why intention was to help, then realized:

1) I was wrong for trying to help, it wasn't asked for. Not everybody wants input sometimes people just need their ego stroked

2) Not everyone has a teachable attitude when it comes to things and when we reach out to help we should be aware of that

3) Those that dont want help, usually dont help and assist those around them either, that I found to be very sad

If you are a leader when it comes to anything, business, training, life anything, you are being looked at from people hungry to "be like you" instead of seeing that as an attack on your ego, realize that them getting better, is not taking away from the many things you have in your life. Nobody cares about your spiritual hash tags and holy you are, they care for your ability to "be" something you say you are, not "pretend to be" something you say you are.

The Power of Enduring in our lives: Sabie Bicycle Experience

 In a culture set up for for rewarding results over effort, lets be the people to make the change. 

A quick example. A student studies 4 months, day and night for his matric final maths exam, he takes extra lessons, misses some parties and just digs into the work. He has struggled the whole of high school, scraping through with 45 - 50%. Student B is coasting through the work, usually a straight A 90% student. 

Exam day comes and goes, both wait anxiously for the results. Student A lands a 58% passes and is able to now attend a course he wanted to take after school. Student B 83%, passed with flying colors, A! 7 Percent left than he usually gets, with little to no effort. At prize giving, student B stands on the stage, student A gets nothing, is never rewarded for his effort. We can debate for ages on who actually wins in 10 years time, but that is not the point. 

This weekend I attended a 3 day bicycle race through the toughest routes South Africa has to offer. The town of Sabie, in Mpumalanga South Africa.  360km on tar, over passes with over 7000m of climbing. I was out of my depth! Seeing cyclists rock up on the start line with their skin tight clothing and hundreds of thousands rands worth of bike, you could see these ladies and gents had invested a lot of time and effort into this sport. I was about to be destroyed. 

I had entered this to test myself again to practice my patience, endurance, my efforts in the physical and mental side of sport yes, but also life. I was so nervous. I hadn't done a bicycle multi day event in years and the training build up had not been ideal. 

"This is a Tour, not a race." that was the motto of this event. Comforting but still scary. 

Me and my bike, best friends...sometimes.

I coach many clients whose goals vary from looking good to completing Ironman. Some have 50 years of exercise left in them some 20. Some young, some old. Some perform at a high level and some simply want to be healthy and prosper, but a common theme for all of them is consistency and endurance. When results are extrinsic (getting 80% and being called on stage, seeing a 6 pack in the mirror, or your friends noticing your weight loss) many fall off the bus, become unmotivated, even become despondent with training. But for those who grasp the result and make it intrinsic (how you feel about yourself, being able to do something you couldn't before, comparing yourself to yourself) these clients have no end! They go on consistently for years, chipping away at the "Tour". Its not a race, its a tour people. 

A tour of your life, to forge the best human being possible, in mind, in body and spirit. How do you want your life to look, what do you see yourself doing? Its important to ask those questions because the road to ill health and diseases is paved with no intentions. Its important to be intentional about our exercise and eating because it is the fuel that will lead us to live these large lives where we are able to function with full energy at a high level in what ever we chose. 

You results of your previous years of exercise count for nothing if you are going to ride on the back of your results. Yesterday doesn't count. Today does. If we can start rewarding effort and intention over results perhaps we will be less judgmental on ourselves over our results and more consistent in our efforts. 

Day 1 was the pits. I finished my 105km day with cramps, pain and suffering. I was straight to the physio for a rub down and into a cold pool wondering if I had bitten of to much. I had spent the day trying to keep up with people, pushing up the hills until eventually I cracked and was extremely spent by the end. During race briefing for the next day I remember thinking, "If tomorrow is 150km, Im not going to finish," and thats not really what I came to do. I had to stop racing. 

Day 2 begun and my goal was to go slow, be persistent and finish the day. Everybody left me behind, I was by far the slowest. In the heat, I dragged myself over 2000km at 90km and was about to begin the final climb, the mammoth Long Tom pass. I cannot explain how slowly I went, pacing myself slowly but surely getting to the top. When the top came I was ecstatic, I had done what I had come to do. I rolled into the finish after a long descent, hours after everybody had eaten their lunches and had their naps. It was 4pm about, only the race organizer waiting for me, possibly worried one rider hadn't come back. The joy in me was one that I had everyday while cycling across Africa, moment I had long forgotten. I had these feelings flooding back to me, relishing in the hard moments and knowing that on the other side it always built a little bit of self belief. 

Day two: 3000m of climbing and a tough day out, 38 Degrees. 

Day 3. Rain. Mist. Cold. Scary downhills and shivering bodies. A whole new challenge had arrived. The cold. Get in a car, get comfy, crank up the heat and coast to the end. Along with that option comes no reward in my mind. I was freezing, my hands cramped up on the brakes down every turn trying to hand onto the handle bars while also trying to avoid skidding round the slippery corners. Was it worth it? In my mind of course it was. To feel the cold is to feel alive, to realize how fragile we are but also to discover how resilient we are. The more we seek out discomfort the more we are able to adapt to difficult situations. 

After all the time on the bike. I eventually crossed the line with some friends I had made on the trip. A great feeling, conquering what you had set out to do. I came home last again, slowest but extremely happy that I had learnt a lot more about myself. 

For those looking for things to be easy I encourage you to seek out discomforts and put yourself in situations that are hard. To slowly turn up the difficulty to teach yourself to be more resilient. Walk 5kms, the next month do 10, build it up but try always to challenge yourself. If we can do this in the physical it will teach us to do this in the mental and emotional. The challenges we face in our daily lives are perhaps and extension of this. 

Get out there. Challenge yourself. Endure! 

"Through endurance we conquer." Ernst Shakelton

We can't Jelous our way to success

We can't "Jealous" our way to success or "Jealous" somebody out of theirs.

Insecurities in our lives happen for various reasons. Our pasts have more influence on us than we know. Im going to speak about some natural things that maybe happen when other people start gaining success.

Lets say somebody has come into some money, a better job, a sporting success, anything, you name it, the thing you really want that badly. We want it to right? So we immediately think of thats unfair, I wanted that. I think its a natural survival of the fittest deep wired caveman brain thing. That guy hunted and got a deer to eat, I want that deer by any means.

We are not Cavemen anymore and sometimes we need to realize the way we evolved and moved forward was our ability to reason, to share, to adapt and to create new ways of doing things. (Although amidst Corono and how it started we would think that we have gone so far backwards and maybe we have)

But anyway, back to it. Our first reactions can be

- undermining someones success: ah well they had a rich family and his dad owns the company. He was lucky to get an education. He just got lucky.

Somebodies "luck" or what they have achieved doesn't take away from your life, do you know that? Who the fuck cares what luck they have come across by you voicing it and trying to undermine them has it made that situation become yours? Well Bob you are right, he had a great education and got lucky, maybe we should give you the job, thanks for telling us.? Hell No. Its not the way it works.

What affirmations are you looking for in your life that you are looking for so hard that the very thing that was robbed of your life, you are robbing from someone else?

Perhaps nobody told you, you were good enough, now you continue to break people down.

By giving people, what you didn't get (not physical things or money etc) support, you can come across a great realization. That you can be your biggest fan. You can be your own encourager. You can believe in yourself.

Try it! Try and give to people what you never got, especially those looking up to you, see how the world changes. Will you gain success from it, maybe, maybe not, but sometimes gaining confidence, peace, courage are greater than gifts of many other things!

Try to give a little today. Be truly happy for one another success. We are, because others are, if the tribe is strong everyone is strong. Encourage and have somebodies back today rather than letting Jealousy creep in and steal your happiness.

COVID/CORONA and rising from the ash

Harry Potter...anybody else read them? Some of you are saying "Hell Yeah" Im sure, some of you have just thought about not reading further. Well just hang on and Hear me out.  Im reading The Chamber of Secrets now and Harry is sitting in Dumbledore's office and see's the Phoenix, which is mythical bird, turn into flames, die and fall into a heap of ashes. Are we there yet? In some countries I feel so.

The Covid Virus or more commonly the Corona Virus is sweeping the world by storm. Everyday we are hearing thousands of cases being reported and the death toll rising tremendously. We are in uncharted territories where shops and public areas are being shutdown and many are struggling for basic supplies. The world Market is falling into a depressive state and people are losing their jobs. Closed, banned, prohibited, social distancing are all terms that are becoming common lingo for us earthlings. The bird has been burnt, its in flames, we are falling into that pile of ash.

I own a gym, yesterday we decided to spring clean and disinfect our whole gym. This left us an opportunity to exercise outside on the fields we have available. We don't do this very often, and the members love it. We trudged some kettlebells and dumbbells outside and hit a 38min workout in the great outdoors.
While Im watching people to make sure they are doing the movements right, I look around...
People have stayed after class and are chatting. Families are playing with their children. Some people are kicking a ball around. My friend Steve (yes that is his real name, I know most people make up names to hide identities haha) has pulled his car round to the field and is playing some music in the background.
And all the while the most picture perfect painting is being put together all around us. The most amazing g reds and yellow beam through the dark blue sky. Theres parts of the clouds that are dark and the light is becoming golden. Every colour is on its best, the reds are darker, the blues are deeper and the darks are highlighting everything.
This is what its all about, people, the people around us making life better in everything. I believe people can be the greatest problem but they can also be the greatest solution. Here we are, I close my eyes and take a mental screenshot of whats transpiring around me. It inspires me.

Suddenly everything that was worrying me fades away, the stresses and uncertainties fade away. I feel a whisper into the deepest darkest chambers of my entire been "Its gonna be okay."
I fight it, how can it be okay, what is okay, the virus, people dying, the economy collapsing. How is this okay.
I realize, the comforts we have know to love and live by are only okay because they are usual. The unusual scares the shit out of me! But it is okay.

Its okay to be burnt, fall into a heap of ashes...to have everything fall apart! Because its out of those ashes that we are cleansed. That we start to discover what is the most important things in our lives. People, family, friends, relationships. Community, love, kindness, solving a problem together. Being a support...having support. Seeing the sun, smelling the grass, hearing nature. We are in a strange time.
We need to embrace the fall with an attitude of arising! Through the ash comes a new creature. A new opportunity a new chance to change the way we can live. In these times we need to show empathy, put our hands up and support each other. May pride in this time be washed away, may no color or race or income group be superior, because quite frankly, the virus is leveling us.
By leveling us, many have realized that their identity lies in things that can fall away instantly, even a job is not your identity.

Your morals and who you are will be tested in these times. Time to discover what humanity really is.

Stay safe out there everyone
Peace
Kunjani

Holy Hell on Netflix: What to learn from Narcissistic Sociopaths

Cults, ever been in one? I hope not, that level of manipulation is crazy but, hear me out, I think this documentary can shed light on many different types of personalities. The Manipulator or the dependent person.

Holy Hell is a documentary that follows a Cult Leader who manipulated his followers and even led men into willing sexual assault, Im not going to spoil it for you, go check it out here if you would like to see it: Holy Hell

This documentary blew my mind, shit shakes, people can be crazy.

Be warned though, this shit is pretty disturbing.

So I was shocked after watching this and then realized, shit, I know people with these personalities, and you might to! Those people that make you feel so good about yourself, that feed your ego, that give you advise, that you feel bad about not consulting when making a big decision. That kind of make you feel connected to them on this string. Hmmm, now I got you thinking didn't I? 

Another good book to read if you feel you are bien manipulated by powerful people in your life is Snakes in Suites. A fantastic read that should illuminate to you, that you cannot beat people at this game, you will lose!

This is an excellent read 

If you are dependent on people for your self esteem you are in grave danger. 

I have watched a couple of these documentaries on this and have compiled a bit of a watch out list for you to determine if the thing you are in is bad: 

1) They Isolate you: 

They turn you against family and other fiends with their extreme advise, that seems to make so much sense to you. They like to isolate you from their other close friends and could even bad mouth people to get you to not like the people around you, besides they are the only ones you can trust. Be careful because they are doing this behind your back as well 

2) They Always have something to gain: 

From something like money, to something as simple as your influence or time. These people are benefiting a lot from having you around. You may need to pay them a fee that they have made up as a non existent membership contract. (Explore the idea of this, it can take many forms) 

3) They make you dependent: 

You cannot make decisions without them. They have information kept away from you to make decisions about all sorts of things. They could even be paying you a salary or hold a secret over you to make you not able to leave

4) They have your secret: 

You have told them something, this something may not even be true, but they have twisted you to a point that you have divulged to much information, if you turn on them, they could destroy you 

5) They decide if you should feel good or bad: 

They feed your esteem and control you. They want you to be good, do well, survive, but they don't want you to thrive fully, they want to hold the chains and keep you back 

So you may not be in a cult but you may be in a relationship like this and it may be effecting your life more than you know. If your religion has isolated you, perhaps your religion is a source of this manipulation. You couldn't possibly leave or walk away because then surely you want have access to the salvation they promise you, you will surely not be protected? You will surely die...This sounds absolutely absurd...in hind sight perhaps yes. But do you really know what you are doing. 

To the people who are these people. Shame on you, although that falls on absolute deaf ears, because these people have no conscious what so ever.